Idiotic
by nargles-are-just-shy
Summary: Really, Annie thought the biggest obstacle she'd have to face would be trying not to strangle her sister and said sisters stupid finacé, but then one night posing as someones fake girlfriend turns into a full-time commitment. Adding in his (very) large meddling family, a summer wedding, and the ever-growing web of lies, she's an idiot. Beta'd by AlPotterFan!


I'm sitting on one of the many spindly golden chairs my mother has artfully placed around the massive ballroom, listening to my father drone on and on about 'destiny' and 'true love'. My mother is sobbing delicately into a scrap of lace as he launches into a well-rehearsed essay about the depth of his love for his 'beautiful wife'. How do I know it's rehearsed? Because my mother and my sister have had him practicing it night and day, getting the right 'emotion' into it.

"Would it be bad taste if I went to sleep for a bit," my best friend Poppy whispers into my ear. I giggle quietly into my hand, and turn around to face her. She has her signature smirk plastered over her face.

"I'm pretty sure my mother would murder you if you did, not to mention Bridezilla," I nod towards where my sister is now comfortingly patting my mother on her back.

"They won't even notice, besides, it's only the engagement party," she whispers back.

"The engagement party is the second most important event in the whole wedding process, it announces, and confirms everything, and therefore, must be treated with as much attention as the actual wedding," I say, in my best impression of my mother. She laughs from behind me, and I try to stop myself from joining in. Really, the last thing I need is to draw even more attention to myself. People have been shooting me looks all night, as if they're half-expecting me to jump up at any moment and hex my simpering sister into next week. Believe me, I've thought of doing that quite a lot lately, but not tonight. Nope, tonight I'm going to show everyone just how fine I really am.

"You sure you're doing okay?"

I swear Poppy can read minds.

"I'm perfect," I shoot a dazzling smile over my shoulder towards her. She gives me a 'Don't try and fool me' look, so I just turn back around. My father finally sits back down, and then my heart stops. Dominic stands up, and places his wand to his throat.

"I knew the minute I saw Priscilla that she was the one for me," a chorus of 'awhs' ripple through the crowd, and I snort. My mother looks at me sharply, and silently shushes me with her hand.

"She is the most wonderful woman in the world in my eyes, kind, considerate, compassionate."

"Does he know her at all?" Poppy says, not bothering to keep her voice down.

"Evidently not," I answer. A few heads look our way with interest. Dominic clears his throat to regain their attention, and prattles on again.

"She's like an angel from heaven."

"Someone please stop him before I throw up," Poppy gags. I full-on laugh then, drawing quite a few more stares. Needless to say, if looks could kill, my mother would've murdered Poppy and I.

"She's my reason to live."

"I thought that spot would've been held by his mirror," Poppy seems to be on a roll, "or his bank account," I'm now laughing uncontrollably, and most of the guests are looking at me fearfully. My sister, finally twigging that the attention was on someone else but her, had transformed from blushing bride to scowling monster in a second.

"Sorry," I say, "tickle in my throat," I attempt to cough convincingly, but my effort just starts off another round of laughter from one Poppy Higgs.

"Now," my mother says loudly, overriding Poppy's snorts, "enough talking, let's get on with the party!" a cheer goes through the crowd, and Priscilla plasters a fake smile on her face. I know I'm going to pay sooner or later for that, although to be honest I hope its sooner; might give me a legitimate reason to punch her. We all stand up, and my father flicks his wand, sending the tables and chairs zooming to the outskirts of the room. Everyone starts milling around, pretending to like each other. Well, nearly everyone, Poppy and I just head straight for the open bar.

"A shot of firewhiskey," I say to the bartender. I could be tacky, and ask for a whole bottle but my mother would probably keel over and die from the shame, and much as she annoys me, I really don't fancy listening to Priscilla shouting in her squeaky voice about how I 'ruined' her party.

"This will undoubtedly be the longest night of my life," I groan to Poppy, whose standing beside me, swigging from a bottle of 'Saviour' beer. "Taking full advantage of your Mums absence I see."

"You know it," she winks over the top of the bottle, both of us knowing full well that Mrs Higgs would've beaten her round the head with it had she seen her. Number one, for drinking out of a bottle, and number two, drinking a beer.

"Oh God," she stops smiling suddenly, "whatever you do, do not turn around."

"What? Why?" I go to turn my head, and she quickly grabs my chin, forcing me to stare forward.

"Just trust me on this; you don't want to turn around."

"Annie! Annie! Over here," a shrill voice shouts from behind us, and we both wince. It seems karma has come back to bite me in the ass, in the form of my devil younger sister.

"Annie! Yoo-hoo!" Priscilla shouts at me, even though I'm two feet away from her. I curse inwardly –well, maybe not so inwardly– and push through the crowd towards her, ignoring the looks I get from the old biddies loitering around the place. Next time I see any other those old hags will be their funeral anyway.

"Cilla, hi."

"Oh Annie, we're so glad you came, Mummy was so afraid you wouldn't, and you know how bad that would have looked," she looks at me with wide eyes, her stupid little air-filled head nodding like a bobble-head doll and I nod along with her, like a numpty. I sneak a glance at Dominic, and instantly wish I hadn't. He's staring at me with those deep, seemingly bottomless brown eyes of his, in the way that just makes me melt inside. But there can be no melting of any description tonight.

"Yeah, you're completely right."

"Aren't I?" she giggles self-righteously.

"You usually are though honey," Dominic nuzzles her nose with his, and it's a scene that both makes me want to cringe, and cry.

I must sound like the stereotypical jealous sister, mustn't I? You know, the ugly one who falls in love with her innocent, beautiful little sisters fiancé, and who spends her days scheming, and thinking up evil plans to steal him away from her. The jealous part is spot on, as was the scheming and evil-plan- thinking up until about a month ago, but I have good reason. Don't roll your eyes, I actually do!

You see, let's take a little trip down memory lane, back about a year and a half ago. Dear Dominic was actually engaged to another girl, namely me. Everything was perfect, we were going to be married the following August, in a small ceremony in the gardens of my parents stately home. I was totally and completely blissed out, so much so, that I didn't realise that my darling sister and fiancé were sneaking off together quite a bit, and by a bit I mean for hours on end. When I finally copped it, Mum assured me that they were just good friends, and not to worry in the slightest. I'd gone along with that, until I found them shagging in the cloak closet.

Mum and Dad were absolutely horrified, imagine the scandal! But then Priscilla had come home with a massive diamond sparkler on her left hand, and they'd thrown themselves into wedding preparations. Mum even told me it was 'for the best' and that Priscilla 'really was more suited to him', i.e. keep your mouth shut and smile for all the photographs.

I'm not bitter or anything. God, why would I be bitter? If just for the fact my sodding fiancé ran off with my whore of a sister. Who on earth would be bitter about that? Certainly not me, I'm freaking ecstatic that my spoilt little waste-of-space sister is about to marry the man of my dreams.

Poppy see's I'm about to lose it, and quickly intervenes.

"Priscilla, Dominic, hi, congrats by the way! Can I just steal Annie for a few secs? Thanks," she smiles, as she drags me away by the elbow. She takes me out of the ballroom, away from all the happy, smiling faces, more than likely guessing I'm about three seconds away from pulling a Voldemort.

"I need to get out of here," I wail, frantically trying to stop the tears from running down my face and making me look like a rodeo clown. Although I should just go with it, I've already made an idiot out of myself; I might as well look the part.

"I know, I know, you were so brave in there Annie," she pulls me into a tight hug "I'm so proud of you."

"Just please get me out of here," I whisper into her shoulder.

"Come on, we're going to go out, and get completely smashed and dance on tables and make our mothers faint when they read the papers in the morning," she winks at me, and directs the butler to get both our cloaks. She ties mine around me, and grabs my hand. We run out of the house, and with a smirk, Poppy flicks her wand, and we get squished through a tube.

We appear outside Poppy's preferred nightclub, 'The Scar'. It's more than a bit shady, but the press would never even dream that someone like us would go to a place like it. Plus, there's cheap booze, and loud music, so it serves its purpose well. She slips a few extra galleons to the bouncer, and he lets us in straight away.

There are people everywhere, most of who are drunk out of their minds. They're grinding up against each other senselessly, clumsily drinking from half-empty glasses. They look barbaric; it makes me want to tear out my eyes so I don't have to see the horrific display which is intoxicated human mating.

We make our way to the back, towards the ladies room. The smell of sick, along with the hairspray cloud almost knocks me down when we enter. Girls are cat-fighting over the mirror, trying to sort out snog-rumpled hair, and smeared lipstick with a bit of toilet paper and water. We elbow our way towards one of the small cubicles, and shut the door behind us.

"Right, give me your cloak," Poppy holds out her hand, and I hand it over. She then proceeds to start shoving both cloaks into her all-too-small clutch bag.

"Are you insane? There is no way they're going to fit into that!"

But as I say it, the cloaks both disappear. I stare at her, and she shrugs.

"Extension charm, turns out those boring DADA guest speakers did teach me something useful at school," she looks me up and down, "but never mind that, you look like a nun that escaped from the convent," she points to my knee-length hemline, and sensible shoes.

"Well I don't see how we're going to fix that."

"Oh darling," she pats my head, "you're so naïve; you've forgotten who you're with."

She pulls her wand from where she had shoved it down the side of her tights, and starts muttering, and pointing to my dress.

"Gah!" I screech. That particular swish of the wand ensures my red dress now barely covers my backside. The next whips my dark-brown hair from its updo, and sends it tumbling down my back.

"Not perfect," she appraises me like a piece of meat, "but you're passable," she reaches into her bag again, "now quickly, put these on!" she shoves a pair of black stilettos into my hands, and then begins performing much the same transformation to herself.

She shoves me out of the cubicle, and back into the herd. As we elbow our way back out of the bathroom, I catch sight of myself in the mirror.

"I look like a call-girl!"

"That's the point," Poppy rolls her eyes, and prods me in the back with her wand, "now move it!"

We stumble back out to the main club, and sidle past snogging couple after snogging couple. Evidently, the dance of seduction worked so now their settling for eating each other alive. It makes me sick.

"Two 'Smoking Trixs' please," Poppy bats her eyelashes at the bartender, and jumps us up the queue. He sets them down in front of us with a wink, and Poppy smiles in what she probably thought was a seductive way, but really makes her look like she had a wand shoved up her arse.

Someone laughs from beside me. I look around, to see a man with blue hair, snorting into his beer glass.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" I cringe.

"Yes, yes you did," he slurs. Drunk off his face, lovely. He drinks deeply from his glass, finishing off the rest of his beer. He slams the glass back down on the counter, and signals for the bartender to bring him another.

"Do you not think you've had enough?" I laugh.

"I'll have you know," he points his index finger towards me, it shakes in front of my nose, "that this is only my third drink," he taps the empty glass clumsily, almost sending it flying off the other side.

"Sure it is," I nod patronizingly, and sip at my own glass. "Christ," I pull a face, "what is this?" Poppy breaks away from her, decidedly flirty, conversation with the bartender, to shoot me an evil smile.

"Just drink it McLaggen," she tips the edge of my glass, sending it shooting back my throat. I splutter, and drunk guy laughs again.

"You lightweight!" he snorts, and I glare at him.

"If you're trying to instigate a drinking competition which ends in a very drunken sexual encounter, I'm afraid you've targeted the wrong girl," I sniff, "you'd do better with Poppy here," I point to her with my thumb, and she waves cheerily.

"Believe me darling, you aren't exactly my type," he waves his arms around, in a brilliant impression of a lame Hippogriff flying. A noise like a plunger comes from beside me, as Poppy detaches her face from the bartenders to butt into the conversation.

"She may seem all stuffy and stuck up, but she's just going through a tough time at the moment, usually she's a riot!" I elbow Poppy in the side. The last thing I need is a down-and-out alcoholic stalker.

"Sorry, but you aren't a patch on my last girlfriend," he slurs at me, "she was tall, thin, blonde, a real knock-out, with a personality to match."

"Well if she was so great, how come you're not together anymore, get sick of you, did she?" I say through pursed lips. The last thing I want to listen to is all the ways I'm completely inferior to this girl, especially seeing as she's a blonde. Priscilla's blonde. Stupid Priscilla.

"Funnily enough she did," he stares off into space, his bottom lip wobbling, making him look like a pathetic little boy. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"Well, as nice as it was talking to you, we really must dash," I say airily, grabbing Poppy's arm, preparing to drag her away.

"No, no, wait, WAIT!" He stumbles after us.

"What, want to insult me some more?" I turn around, eyebrows quirked.

"No, please just please," he begs, "please, just stay and talk to me for just two seconds, please, just so she doesn't think I'm a complete loser," he shoots a furtive glance towards the door, where a large group are standing.

I know his ex without even having to ask. She stands out in the crowd, the shiny silver top making her almost glow. She's every bit as beautiful as dunk guy claims, white-blonde hair cascading down her back, big blue eyes, and perfectly clear skin. I instantly want to hit her with my best Bat-Bogey Hex. Of course, as karma has a wonderful habit of showing up when you least want it to, she looks over our way.

"Teddy! Hi!" her musical voice carries over the thumping music and drunk guy (aka. Teddy) tenses beside me. She starts coming towards us, an instant path forming through the crowd. Makes me hate her all the more. In an instant, I know exactly what I'm going to do.

Teddy looks down in surprise when I wrap my arms around his skinny waist. I tug down his shoulder, and breathe into his ear.

"Play along."

Blondie finally reaches us "Well, fancy seeing you here!"

"Hi Vic," Teddy mumbles.

"Long time no talk, huh Ted?" she leans forward, and kisses him on both cheeks. She evidently hasn't seen me yet. Yet being the key word.

"Teddy, let's go," I whine in my best fake-drunk voice, nuzzling my head against his neck. "This place is boring," she stares at the both of us, me basically doing a cat impression, Teddy standing frozen.

"Who's this?" she smiles, eyes narrow, like a tiger going in for the kill. Teddy's jaw flounders for a bit, making him look like an overgrown fish. I pinch his side, and he jolts, evidently waking up from his stay in La-la Land.

"This? Oh-right, well this, this is-erm . . ." he stares at me, panicked, and its then I realise I haven't told him my name.

"I'm Annie, Teddy's girlfriend," I smile brightly, extending out my hand. She shakes it slowly, not taking her eyes off my face.

"Teddy, you never mentioned you had a new girlfriend," her voice sounds like she's scolding a three-year old. Teddy shrugs, and mumbles something under his breath. I pinch him harder, and he speaks up.

"Slipped my mind."

"Well that isn't a very nice thing to say about your girlfriend, am I that forgettable?" I fake-pout, and Teddy finally wakes him. He wraps his arms around my waist, and draws me closer.

"Course not!" he pecks me lightly on the cheek. I giggle in my best Priscilla impression, and Poppy snorts from behind me. To be honest, I'd forgotten her.

"Well, it's been lovely meeting you….Mick?" I say, trying to hide my smirk.

"It's Vic," she replies coolly.

"Whatever," I shrug, "but really we must be going," I grin up at Teddy. "Tata!" I wave at her with one hand, while shoving Teddy towards the exit with the other.

We burst out into the cold night air and Teddy envelopes me in a tight hug.

"Ah! Thank you, you wonderful human being!" he shouts. I giggle despite myself.

"Just hope someday someone will do the same for me, now can I trust you to get yourself home?" I quirk an eyebrow.

"Yep, I just live round the corner," he points shakily down the street.

"Well, alright then, see you," I wave and begin to walk away.

He pulls me into one last hug, and I start to get the strangest sense in my chest, almost like hope, hope that maybe my life won't always be just a succession of failures, maybe it'll get better.

And then he gets sick down the back of my dress. Well reality, how are you? Missed you for the five seconds you were away.

Not.

Right! New story. First time I've finished a new chapter since April, so before I change my mind, I'm just going to post it, and see what you guys think!

Siriusly89

x

edit: 15/9/13- Now all shiny and grammar-correct thanks to the lovely AlPotterFan 3


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